I am going to tell you something and you may not like it. There is no secret to keeping your cool when your kid is acting out. There is a way to do it but it’s not a secret. It’s stuff you already know and its stuff you’re already working hard on. 

Its Stuff You Already Know

You’re a good mom. You’re trying your very best. Sometimes it’s just not a good day and you run out of patience. Of course, the first step to staying calm is to pause and breathe. This is definitely easier said than done sometimes. Staying on top of your self care and doing all the things you know you should (time with friends, walking in nature, eating real food, peeing alone) is part of having the bandwidth to take this kind of pause. 

It’s Stuff You Already Do

You love your child. You want good things for her. You want to help her be successful and happy and a good person. You are already doing everything in your power to make this happen. Some days you may not show up as your best self. This happens. When it does you notice it, regain composure, apologize, forgive yourself, and keep on going. It’s okay to remind yourself in these challenging moments that your child is not the enemy, this is not an emergency, and it’s not personal. She’s showing you her big feelings because you are the best and she knows she can show them to you. 

It’s a Skill You Already Have

You’re a great mom. Remember when you read that one book 4000 times in a row? And how you’re always able to find that thing that she needs right now? And how you fed her today, and asked about her day, and gave her a hug? You are doing great. The loving things are outweighing the times you may struggle with keeping your cool. And you are doing your best. 

The Real Secret to Keeping Your Cool

Keep on being the loving mom that tries her best. Your child won’t remember all the individual details of childhood but will remember the flavor of it. She’ll remember the pattern that comes from a lifetime of hearing you take a breath, seeing you make time for yourself, and feeling all of those hugs. You’ve got this.