Is Scarcity Mentality Impacting Your Parenting? How to Shift to an Abundance Mindset.
A lot of people tell me that they don’t do self-care all. They tell me that carving out time for themselves makes them feel guilty, like they are taking away from someone important to them, like their kids or spouse, by looking after themselves. They are missing an abundance mindset.
Then they tell me they feel overwhelmed, exhausted, or depressed.
Now, I am not at all saying that people who don’t do any self-care are to blame for their own exhaustion.
But there is a correlation between keeping your own cup full and having the bandwidth to care for others.
I’m about to lay some tough love on you because I care about you and want good things for you. Ready?
Believing that taking time for yourself is taking away from someone else is a scarcity mentality.
It’s like believing all of the love in the world is a pizza and once you give a slice away it’s gone forever. This is the opposite of an abundance mindset.
You are probably a person who has loved more than one other person at a time. You know, like your mom or dad or spouse or kid or other kid or best friend or, you get where I’m going with this.
You don’t run out of love just because another person to love comes along. Just like her little beaded bag after Hermione Granger places the Undetectable Extension Charm on it, your heart expands to make room.
This means there is room for you too.
I will say that again. There is room for you too. There is enough love and time and care for you too.
“You don’t run out of love just because another person to love comes along.”
A scarcity mentality leaves you feeling like if you win it means someone else is losing.
If you are feeling tense, frustrated, tired, powerless, or confused, you may be caught in a scarcity mentality.
Shifting to an abundance mentality will allow you to feel in control, content, relaxed, energized, empowered.
An abundance mindset helps you feel in control, content, relaxed, empowered.
That sounds great right? So how do you do it?
First, let’s go over a few of the other signs you may have a scarcity mentality. It can be sneaky sometimes so here’s a few more clues.
- Seeing pictures on social media of weddings or babies or vacations kinda makes you mad. Or, you feel a little bit of secret joy when someone else fails or falls.
- You often feel like you’re just waiting for the other shoe to drop or for something else to go wrong.
- You feel envious even when you’re trying to feel happy for what others have.
- You tell your child “we can’t afford that”.
- It’s hard to get rid of clutter because you might need it some day.
- You worry about things you have no control over.
- It’s hard to set goals.
- You take yourself too seriously or struggle to laugh at yourself.
A scarcity mindset is dangerous because it is fear based. It forces you to keep feeling scared that you are not enough or not doing it right. These scarcity mentality responses are coming from a place of shame and comparison. You get stuck noticing what you don’t have and it is hard to enjoy what you do have.
The sneakiest worst part is the scarcity mentality impacts not only how you see the world and others, but how you see yourself. You end up never feeling good enough or pretty enough or strong enough or enough enough. This scarcity mindset prevents you from investing in your future because it never lets you believe there’s more out there for you. Plus, any time you see someone else succeed you are reminded of how far you still are from the success you want.
Okay. So how do you fix it?
For starters- change your language change your life.
Start using abundance language. Changing the words you use to describe the world to yourself will start to make the world look different. Try commenting to yourself that there is plenty of time in the day to finish what needs to get done and shifting away from “we can’t afford it” to “we prioritize other things”.
By giving away kind words, genuine smiles, stuff you aren’t using, and your time you are showing your brain that there is enough to go around and your brain is then able to release its grip on things and make room for the idea that there is enough for everyone.
I know I know. You’ve heard this before. But stay with me. The action here is turning your thoughts to the things you have instead of the things you fear you’re still missing. So any time you notice any of those warning signs I mentioned before- spend 10 seconds turning your thoughts to what you have right now. The phone you’re reading this on, the comfy couch you’re sitting on, that sticky kiss your kid gave you earlier, keep it simple. Don’t overthink this, just get started naming something that you have now in your life. This practice gets easier over time as you engage the habit of an abundance mindset.
Cultivate a growth mindset.
I realize when I say it that way it makes you sound like a house plant but why not? We totally buy into the idea that if we give that philodendron water and food and pep talks that it will grow and be healthy. Humans can do this too. A growth mindset is being open to opportunity, enthusiasm, and learning. This is directly related to an abundance mindset.
Give your energy to what is going right.
Humans have an evolutionary tendency to pay close attention to what is going wrong so that we can survive it. We are continuously on the lookout for the saber toothed tiger that might jump out at us. But now that we don’t really have sabertooth tigers as a risk anymore our minds tend to focus on daily stressors in a way that can leave us feeling scarce and stuck.
Try this right now. Close your eyes and think back to the most recent thing that made you feel upset. Go over that story again in your mind. Now, notice how you feel, notice your unconscious facial expression. Just reminding yourself of the event can produce negative feelings and change your appearance.
Now recall a recent situation that made you feel warm or loved or happy. When you play those details in your mind what happens to your body language? Facial expression? When you give your energy to what is going well the energy you end up putting out into the world feels positive. This positivity draws more positivity to you like a magnet, setting you up for more and more positive experiences.
If you are able to shift into an abundance mindset you will be able to embrace change, set goals, feel grateful, share of yourself, receive from others graciously, forgive the past, be open to possibilities, and believe that there is room for you, and everyone else, to have enough. Try it and see what happens.